Transcript
Note: This is not a word-for-word transcript
Neil
Hello. This is 6 Minute English from BBC Learning English. I’m Neil.
Georgina
And I’m Georgina.
Neil
Georgina and I have got to know each other very well after working together for so long.
Georgina
I know what sandwiches Neil has for lunch… Egg and tomato right, Neil?
Neil
Right! And I know it really annoys Georgina when people don’t wash up their cups in the staff kitchen.
Georgina
So unhygienic!
Neil
But just as important as getting to know someone, socially or at work, is getting on with people. To get on with someone is a useful phrasal verb, meaning to like someone and enjoy a friendly relationship with them.
Georgina
Which is really important if you work with them every day!
Neil
And there’s another word to describe the good understanding and communication between two friends: rapport.
Georgina
Yes, how to build rapport and get on with people has been the subject of many self-help books over the years, and is the topic of this programme.
Neil
Well, you and I must have great rapport, Georgina, because that leads perfectly onto my quiz question. In 1936, American writer Dale Carnegie wrote a famous self-help book on building rapport. It sold over 30 million copies, making it one of the best-selling books of all time – but what is it called? Is it:
a) How to get rich quick?,
b) How to stop worrying and make friends?, or
c) How to win friends and influence people?
Georgina
I think I know this, Neil. I’m going to say, c) How to win friends and influence people.
Neil
OK, Georgina, we’ll find out if that’s the right answer at the end of the programme.
Georgina
When it comes to getting on with people, psychologist Emily Alison has a few ideas. She’s built a career working with the police as they build rapport with criminal suspects.
Neil
Emily is the author a new book, ‘Rapport: the four ways to read people’ and, as she told BBC Radio 4 programme All In The Mind it isn’t easy to get along with everyone:
Emily Alison
I often describe rapport-building in a relationship as like walking a tightrope because you really do need to maintain that balance of being objective, treating people with compassion but that doesn’t mean I’m sympathetic, I’m collusive – it’s that balance between judgement and avoidance.
Georgina
Emily describes rapport building as like walking a tightrope, an idiom to describe being in a difficult situation which requires carefully considering what to do.
Neil
Building rapport with “terrorists” or violent criminals isn’t easy. Emily doesn’t sympathise with what they have done, but she tries to remain objective –tobase her judgement on the facts, not personal feelings.
Georgina
In her book, Emily identifies four main communication styles which she names after animals. The best at building rapport is the friendly and cooperative monkey.
Neil
Then there’s a pair of opposites: the bossy lion, who wants to take charge and control things, and the more passive mouse.
Georgina
Here’s Emily talking to BBC Radio 4’s, All In The Mind, about the fourth animal, the T-Rex. Try to listen out for the communication style of this personality:
Emily Alison
You’ve got the T-Rex which is conflict – so this is argument, whether you’re approaching it from a positive position where you can be direct, frank about your message or you approach that in a negative way by being… attacking, judgemental, argumentative, sarcastic, and that actually breeds the same behaviour back. So anyone who has teenagers will 100% recognise that… if you meet sarcasm with sarcasm, it’s only going to go one way.
Neil
All four communication styles have good and bad points. On the positive side, T-Rex type people are frank – they express themselves in an open, honest way.
Georgina
But T-Rex types can also be sarcastic – say the opposite of what they really mean, in order to hurt someone’s feelings or criticise them in a funny way.
Neil
Yes, sarcasm is a strange thing – like saying, “Oh, I really like your haircut”, when in fact you don’t!
Georgina
Yes. There’s an English saying that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour, but I think British people can be quite sarcastic at times.
Neil
Well, I can’t image you’d make many friends being rude to people. Maybe they should read Dale Carnegie’s self-help book.
Georgina
Ah yes, your quiz question, Neil. Was my answer right?
Neil
In my quiz question I asked Georgina for the title of Dale Carnegie’s best-selling self-help book about building rapport. What did you say?
Georgina
I said the book is called, c) How to win friends and influence people.
Neil
Which is… the correct answer! And I guess you’ve read it, Georgina, because you have lots of friends.
Georgina
I hope you’re not being sarcastic, Neil!
Neil
Absolutely not! I’m not a sarcastic T-Rex type, more of a friendly monkey!
Georgina
OK, well, let’s stay friends and recap the vocabulary from this programme, starting with rapport – a good feeling between two people based on understanding and communication.
Neil
If you get on with someone, you like and enjoy a friendly relationship with them.
Georgina
Walking a tightrope means to be in a difficult situation which requires careful consideration of what to do.
Neil
To be objective is to base your actions on facts rather than personal feelings.
Georgina
When building rapport with someone, it’s good to be frank – to express yourself in an open, honest way.
Neil
But not sarcastic – to say the opposite of what you really mean, in order to hurt someone’s feelings or criticise them in a humorous way.
Georgina
Well, Neil, if we run over six minutes we’ll break our rapport with the 6 Minute English producer, so that’s all for this programme! Join us again soon for more trending topics and useful vocabulary…
Neil
…and remember to download the BBC Learning English app and stay friends by following us on social media. Bye for now!
Georgina
Bye!
Vocabulary
rapport
a relationship between two people based on good understanding and communication
to get on with (someone)
to like someone and enjoy a friendly relationship with them
walk a tightrope
be in a difficult situation which requires carefully considering what to do
objective
based on the facts not personal feelings or emotions
frank
express yourself in an open, honest and sincere way
sarcastic
say the opposite of what you really mean, in order to hurt someone’s feelings or criticise them in a humorous way
